One of the things that bugs me about living in this area of Washington, is the poor quality of radio reception. Although there are a few radio stations that broadcast conservative talk-radio to the area, it is uncommon to able to make sense of what is said, because of the amount of static. Sometimes, the signal will come in strong for a few moments and then, it’s almost as if a powerful jamming device has targeted Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity for censorship.  I wonder if maybe the Space Needle in Seattle has been secretly modified to…Nah, our elected officials in state government wouldn’t do that…would they?

 In any event, I frequently have to listen to NPR because theirs seems to be the only signal not compromised by the problems that other stations suffer. Such was the circumstance today while I was driving home from a trip to the bank where I was trying to secure a home-equity loan, in order to fill my car with gasoline. The radio program was discussing the wonderful humanitarian efforts of Hugo Chavez, in providing Venezuelan oil to heat the homes of poor people in the United States. As I listened, I became more than a little pissed-off at NPR, Hugo Chavez, a majority of US elected officials…and those people in the northeast who will do anything, for ‘free-stuff’.

 Suddenly, the program was interrupted with breaking news. I’ll try to relay the information just as I heard it…although I may not have captured all of the nuances, because up here with so many nonogenarian drivers, one must dedicate much of his attention to defensive driving.    

 SPECIAL BREAKING NEWS:

At a press conference today, the presumptive Democratic Presidential nominee, Barack Obama, paused in mid-sentence when a look of grave consequence appeared upon his intelligent countenance. Reporters and staff members alike waited anxiously for Senator Obama’s next utterances, as if expecting a revelation in the gospel of CHANGE. 

But his lips did not move. Instead, Mr. Obama rolled his eyes toward heaven and passed gas. Not once, not twice…but three distinct bursts! The expellations were wonderfully orchestrated, with the last one achieving multiple tones and ending in a high-C crescendo that Mozart would have been proud to compose! It all happened so quickly that none in the audience or press corps immediately knew what it meant.

 The reporters rushed forward to get a personal whiff of the scent, while cursing the fact that nothing in their broadcast equipment or electronic paraphernalia was able to record the aroma for posterity. In the confusing seconds that ensued, a young staff member of indeterminate sex took a deep breath and fainted, in apparent ecstasy. Sadly, he (or she?) was severely trampled by the reporters and had to be transported to a local hospital.

 Once order was restored, all attending members of the press attempted to gain clarity in the meaning of Mr. Obama’s coded message. The MSNBC anchor managed to get his question out first, “Pray tell us, Your Eminence, how dost Thee command us?” But before Barack could respond, ABC-TV interrupted with a query, “Is this Your way of telling us to seek new means of communication, as an inspired method of overriding the divisiveness caused by those who want English as the official language of this land?”  CBS then chimed in with a request for a reenactment of the important event,  “We promise that it will receive prime-time coverage, if the Senator will drop his pants and allow us to get a close-up camera shot, as you repeat emission of the sacred notes.”

 As I pulled into my garage, Obama seemed to be considering the CBS inducement.

 I rushed inside my house and turned on CNN to see if they were also covering the important event…and indeed they were! In fact, they had already arranged for Michelle Obama to appear on-camera to provide commentary. Mrs. Obama opined, “For the entirety of my married life, I have always been proud of my husband’s flatulence. It’s not as if it stinks, you know. Not at all like what one would experience from an old white guy.”  

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 Truth be told, I’ve taken a (little) bit of literary license with the event described above. My meager skills could provide no other way to demonstrate the outrageous bias that the Press devotes to anything-Obama. The fawning by mainstream media is cause for all pragmatic persons to question if we are experiencing a prelude to a coronation, rather than an election?  All this, to an individual questionably qualified to serve in Congress, let alone the Presidency of the USA.

  Perhaps we should borrow from the tradition used in announcing a new pope and pump white smoke from the roof of the New York Times, when Barack ascends to his Throne of Change. Or would ‘white’ smoke be considered racist? Oh, my! What can we do? Is there anyway we can atone for all of the guilt we are accused of having accumulated?

7-19-08

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